It was 35 Years Ago Today…

Bob and Deb

B&D 0806I am pretty amazed it has been 35 years since Deb and I walked down the aisle at CW Post’s interfaith chapel. The skies had darkened and the rains came down in torrents but we ignored the omens and went ahead and haven’t looked back once.

We’ve certainly experienced a lot in three and a half decades together, mostly good. But there have certainly been trying moments such as the brief period when we were both unemployed or, of course, Robbie’s illness. Yet, we’ve relied on one another and remained stronger for these experiences.

What’s the secret? I wish there was a formula to share. Instead, I know what works for us and that is communication and shared responsibilities. We talk all the time, checking in with one another via email at least once during the day and taking our pre-dinner dog walk together to chat. This used to take the form of catching up with one another when we commuted home side by side from the city.

We talk, sharing minutia from the day, and making sure we know what’s stressing or elating the other. These days we share in othBob & Deber ways from maintaining shopping lists on the Out of Milk app to putting everything on a joint calendar so there’s no mistaking where the other is.

We have fallen into our routines and that makes certain everything from feeding Ginger to cleaning up from meals gets done. There are joint tasks and individual jobs, prioritizing what is needed at any given moment and you know what, sometimes we realize we can delay something and just collapse on the couch and watch TV together.

We give each other space. Deb does her fiber arts and has her book clubs while I have grad school and freelance writing. While our viewing habits overlap they are far from identical, taking advantage when the other is out to catch up on movies or series that we prefer. There’s time for us and time for me.

We are out celebrating today, marking the occasion with a special weekend but I don’t want the time to slip by without acknowledging how much I owe Deb. (The agenda includes seeing Something Rotten Saturday afternoon and the first Mets vs. Cubs game Saturday night — talk about memorable experiences!)

I cannot imagine my life without my friend and partner, the love of my life. Thirty-five years is a significant portion of my life and having her by my side for the thrills and chills, laughter and tears, and communal existence has made me a far better person.

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