Nine Years

Nine years.

For whatever reason, it hangs heavy this year. Not quite the decade milestone but certainly we’re feeling it more keenly than last year. Go figure.

We’ve been down in Maryland four years now and increasingly our circle of friends are people who never knew him. I’m about to work at my second school and there, no one will have known him. Similar to Deb and her work colleagues.

While I know life goes on, I miss sharing him with others in my life. Robbie’s winning personality and spark were things to share and take delight in. Most would have enjoyed his company or understood the pride we took in him.

His friends are well into adulthood, many married, some with their children now. They’re having experiences and making memories that continue to show the passage of time.

Missing him hasn’t gotten easier but we’re managing. There are still moments where one or both of us suddenly grow sad or depressed. There remain television shows and movies that trigger grief, casual mentions here or there, the plot of a book.

It has gotten easier to talk about him without being overcome and we welcome the chance to remind the world he was here, ready to make his mark. And we continue to wonder, “What if…?”

It’s been nine years. Tough ones in many ways. His memory remains a presence in our home and that will have to suffice.

2 comments

  • Ali T. Kokmen

    Bob: Forgive me if I’ve said this before, but sometimes I think of this kind of loss like you’re driving down the street, hit a big pothole, and then you keep on driving. That is, you get farther from the hole, but the hole doesn’t go away. Be kind to yourself. Every day, but perhaps especially today.

  • Naomi

    My memories of the days surrounding this are foggy, and clouded by time, a lack of sleep at the time, alcohol, and probably a self preservation instinct. But the one thing I have always remembered clearly is you taking my hands at Robbie’s wake and telling me that I knew how much I meant to you and you would help me through it. I didn’t know how much I meant to you, but I know how much THAT meant to me. I hope you know how fondly I think of you and one day, I might make it back to that side of the country to say hi.

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